Old, Comfy Shoes

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Hi, I'm with the...

I have a job working as Business Intern at a local R&D firm. I love my job, because normally I don't have to do typical intern stuff. Occasionally I am asked to file papers, price office equipment or prepare power point, but generally I get to do cool things like write press releases and help start companies. I do however make coffee. But everyone does. At least those who drink coffee do. The expectation is that if you take the last cup - you better make some more, otherwise there are some very cranky engineers running about. That's no good. And since the president of the company showed me how to make the coffee, I don't feel like it's beneath me to do so.

The other day I had a very interny job to do. Call a list of companies with the same industrial code as ours. Now this code covers all R&D firms, but I was looking specifically for companies that deal with optics to inform them of a new optics networking group.

I couldn't find a way to NOT sound like a telemarketer. "Hello, my name is Andi and I am with the Ohio Optics Consortium..." Definitely sounds like a telemarketer.

"Hi. My name is Andi. Have you ever heard of the Ohio Optics Consortium?" That was even worse.

So I went with: "Hi. My name is Andi and I was wondering if your company did any work in optics." Sounds like a telemarketer that is trying to hide the fact that they are a telemarketer, but it was the best I could do.

Anyway, I got some pretty interesting responses. Most of these companies are small, one man operations out of someone's basement. So I got a lot of wives answering the phone. One wife didn't know if her husband worked in optics because she "didn't know what he does in that garage."

Another wife cussed me out in Spanish and told me never to call again. At least I think she cussed me out. I don't know Spanish, but tone-of-voice can say a lot.

But my favorite response was from the Nuclear Physicist that I called. Our conversation went something like this:

"Hi my name is Andi and I am with the Ohio Optics Consortium and I was wondering if you did any work in optics?"

"Optics? No. Don't do anything there. I'm a Nuclear Physicist."

"Oh. Ok. Thank you sir. Have a great day."

"I make nuclear bombs. So if you ever need a nuclear bomb, I'm your man."

I wasn't really sure what to say to that. I've never had someone offer to make me a nuclear bomb before. "Ok. Well thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

"(laughter)... Actually I'm on the other end of it. I make sure other people can't make them."

Still thoroughly weirded out... "Umm... OK"

"What do you say you do again?"

"We are a network of optics professionals in Ohio." Doesn't sound as impressive as building nuclear bombs.

"Oh. Well if you ever come up with a good laser scope, I could use one for my gun."

"You'll be the first to know. It was nice talking with you. Have a great day."

Yep. A guy in my hometown offered to build me a nuclear bomb and asked for a laser scope for his gun in the same conversation. That's just not normal.

|